Minako Kagari [WIP]

[KFCutman]

Please, if there are many mistakes/information I can't use on this, since I'm more used to PWRPG's character and pokemon system, PLEASE leave a reply or PM me about it. Core Information Name: Minako Izumi Kagari II Nickname/Alias: "Canalave Princess"(no longer used), "Snow Girl" Age: 15 Gender: Female Birthplace:Canalave City (birthplace), Jubilife City (Current home) Trainer Classification: Coordinator Character Tracker: I have absolutely no idea what this is, can someone explain? Physical Attributes Height: 5'8'' Weight: 118 lbs Appearance: Brown hair with grey and white dyed hair at the ends. Hair is long and goes down to her waist. Small nose. Short, thin eyelashes. Pale white skin. Wears a grey overcoat and a plain dark-blue shirt, with grey ripped jeans and black boots. Defining Traits: Although both her parents are blue-eyed, Minako's eyes are more of an amber yellow color. Minako is also one of few with CIPA, a rare genetic mutation where she cannot feel any sort of pain or temperature, whatsoever. There's stitches on her scalp, from falling down a tree, and a severe burn mark on her left arm. There's also a gash on her back, from being attacked by a Tentacruel. Personality Personality: [This could take a while to look reasonably finished, be warned. Do note that this does not currently tie in with the history.] "Just you wait, Cynthia. I'll be Champion when I grow up!" Throughout her early childhood, Minako was extremely selfish and did not care about what others would think of any of her actions against them, though she did dream of finally going on a Pokemon adventure and finally becoming Champion of the Sinnoh region. Minako also envied Byron and wanted to become a Gym Leader just like him, despite never meeting Byron in person. "Why thank you, I know I am the prettiest person in the world!" Minako was usually complimented for her rare combination of noticeable traits, those being her intelligence, beauty, and eyes, which many of her parents' friends quickly took note of. Minako was even known as the "Canalave Princess" by some neighbors. Such pride would be a reason for Minako's selfish personality at a young age. "Mommy, how come you scream when you touch the oven, yet I don't feel anything at all?" When Minako learned about having CIPA at only the age of 3, she quickly sought the opportunity to do childish and rather risky stunts, such as jumping off trees or throwing a rock at herself, even placing her left arm in an active furnace. When she was 5, however, everything changed for the worse. Minako had sailed to Hoenn with his father, but on the way back, a Tentacruel had been lurking, and when the crew started shooting harpoons, the jellyfish Pokemon rose from the depths and had began attacking the ship, killing most of the crew. "Step out of my way." After her experience, Minako had completely snapped as a result of a severe financial issue. No longer was a selfish, rich girl living a lavish life, but a cold, unforgiving young woman with a cruel gaze and financial issues ever since his father was injured. Minako also eventually grew a resentment to Pokemon. However, instead of shunning all Pokemon, Minako had a plan to become a Coordinator and teach that Pokemon are not meant for fighting against, and how dangerous they are. At the age of 12, Minako's family moved to Jubilife City, after Minako's mother, Ran Izumi Kagari, received a job as a spokeswoman for Jubilife TV. Minako felt resentment as she had enjoyed studying in the Canalave Library, even though some of her parents' friends had moved to Jubilife as well, and Minako had no friends at all. "You should stop being so persistent. You'll live longer as a result." Throughout her days in school in Jubilife, Minako had made no efforts to be friendly, and quickly pushed away anyone who made any sort of effort to be friendly with her. Minako's rather strange clothing choices year-round, along with her unforgiving personality, earned her the nickname "Snow Girl" by many gossipy classmates. Often, the teachers asked Minako's parents about her anti-social behavior in school, but any programs to help Minako were denied. Minako also had low grades in classes that involved Pokemon battles, but had very good grades in areas such as Pokemon Mythology. "Pokemon Contests, hmm. Imagine a world where we didn't have those disgusting people using their Pokemon for violent uses." Ran had later asked her daughter to go with her to Jubilife TV and experience what it would be like to watch a Pokemon Contest in the Jubilife Contest Hall. Minako accepted, and was amazed by how trainers had not used their Pokemon for combat, but rather for amusement and amazing visuals instead. Minako had decided to become a Pokemon Coordinator instead, but this didn't change her ice-cold personality. Strengths: Her cold and ruthless personality can be used to unnerve other trainers. CIPA also means she can almost-instantly get up if she is accidentally attacked or in danger. Minako's natural beauty and intelligence can be used as an advantage. Weaknesses: She has rather low muscle mass for her age, making her very weak physically. Minako knows absolutely no boundaries to pain, meaning she constantly makes risks that could be her last. Just because she can't feel pain, it doesn't mean she's immortal or can't get injured. Battle Style: Being extremely intelligent and gifted, Minako is wise to adapt to any situation. Bulky Pokemon? Use a stat boosting move to increase damage. Low defensive stats? Immediately attack. Good move coverage? Switch your Pokemon. Can't counter any of those? Evasion spam. Background History: Minako Izumi Kagari II was born in a very wealthy family in Canalave City, Her father, Daisuke Retu, was a sailor well known for ferrying people to areas far from Sinnoh, and was the main source of income for the family. Minako's mother, Ran Izumi Kagari, was a wealthy saleswoman who sold antique books. Throughout Minako's childhood, she usually stayed in the Canalave Library to read about myths of Sinnoh and about battle strategy, thus being why she is very intelligent when it comes to battling, although she had never owned a Pokemon. Minako was also taught how to read and write as early as possible, and learned both skills at only the age of 3. However, when Ran attempted to teach Minako about temperature, by running her daughter's hand in cold water and then hot water, Minako replied with "I don't feel a difference." Terrified by this, Ran immediately contacted a local doctor to examine Minako's condition. After being fully reviewed, the doctor had concluded that Minako was diagnosed with congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis. This meant Minako could not feel heat, cold, and pain and also could not sweat. Ran grew overprotective of her daughter very quickly, but Minako usually ignored Ran's warnings and did risky and childish stunts, such as jumping off trees. One time, Minako had to get stitches for her scalp when falling off a tree. Minako also burned her left arm after putting it into a wood-oven furnace. Minako was well known for her amazingly good looks at such a young age and was considered "gifted". Her long, magnificent hair, perfect facial features, perfect structure, and her shimmering amber eyes quickly earned her the nickname "Canalave Princess" by her parents' friends. However, this massive amount of self-pride made Minako very selfish, and Daisuke believed that perhaps letting Minako go on a trip with him would allow Minako to get a better view of the world. As a result, Daisuke took Minako on a trip to Hoenn, when Minako was 5. Minako was quickly amazed as she could finally get a much greater view of the sea, much better than the view she had next to her back in Canalave. Unfortunately, things would get worse. The cruiser had gotten stuck in a torrential storm, and [WIP] As Minako tried to escape to a safe location, the Tentacruel lashed back at the boat, and Minako was struck by one of the tentacles, tearing a huge gash in her back, and fell unconscious immediately as a result of her weaker than usual muscle mass. Upon regaining consciousness, Minako had seen the dangers of being a Pokemon trainer. Dead crew members, blood and puke all over the boat, even a left arm, which she had quickly found out had belonged to her father, Daisuke Retu, who was one of only 16 to survive the Tentacruel attack. Fortunately, the remaining crew was able to return to Canalave safely, but this trauma had completely changed Minako as a result. One day when she was 8, her father decided to ask Minako to help him ferry a rich woman to Rustboro City. Upon reaching Route 104 and traveling through the woods, Minako saw Pokemon she had never seen before, and when finally reaching Rustboro, Minako soon wondered what it would be like to travel like her father did, and then decided to become a Pokemon Coordinator. Upon her way back to Canalave, the crew was less fortunate, when a Tentacruel attacked Daisuke's boat, killing 8 of the 12 crew members and causing Daisuke to lose his left arm. This was when Minako learned she could not feel any pain whatsoever, and she was mother would think. This incident would later become the reason behind Minako's lonely and cold-hearted personality. Ran, being terrified on how her husband lost his left arm, Ran decided the only way her family could be safe is to move to Jubilife and start a new life. Daisuke was slowly recovering and Ran became a spokesperson for Jubilife TV. As for Minako, she hated the city for being bustling with people and usually spent her days studying in her house. When Minako was 13, Daisuke had fully recovered from his injury at sea. [Explanation for when Ran decides Minako is ready will be added later, I just want to remove all mentions of that Eevee.] Defining Moments:[TBA] Other Information

[KFCutman]

This post will be dedicated to any updates this character has while being worked on.

Current status: Minako is WIP.

May 25, 2016:

May 26, 2016:

[MegaAbsol]

This is complete? Hoo, boy. This is gonna be a long one.

Moving from top to bottom, several things jump out at me:
Firstly, a character tracker is a topic you make after your character has been approved, to track them through their journey. It's to be kept blank for now.

Now, appearance. As you are using a written appearance, it has to be much larger. Simply describing some features in one-liners is not going to work. There's more to a person than their hair, eyes and clothes! (Well, outside anime, at least :P) It needs to be at least a paragraph of 7 lines, preferably more, to fully flesh out a character. Also, eyes will be included in her description as well as given special mention in defining traits.

Personality, again, a lot more needed. I quote directly from the character template: 'Personality is the core of your character. How do they act, what do they believe in? This is the section to truly make them shine. Be mindful of the other aspects of your app as well, how does their History tie into who they are? Are the conscious of their appearance, does their trainer classification influence their outlook and goals? This section should be at least 15 sentences, but more is always better.'

As you can see by the paragraph up there, the importance of personality cannot be stressed on enough. There's literally so much to work with! Did anything besides her move to the city cause her to become cold? Did she make friends there? Did she leave behind friends when she shifted? (Because let's face it, interaction with people is what builds our personality) Why is she so stubborn? How did she earn her nickname? Why won't she admit her mistakes? Why doesn't she like mixing with others? Why is she so ruthless? What moulded the decision to become a coordinator when she doesn't like dressing up? While all of them don't need to be answered, some more weight here would really do wonders.

History, again another large problem point. Why did her father decide to take her along, besides out of a whim? How does traveling tie in to becoming a coordinator, rather than a trainer where she doesn't have to dress up? Then, why did the Tentacruel attack the boat? How did she escape unharmed when more than half the crew was killed and her father lost his arm? Also, one of your sentences don't make sense: 'and she was mother would think.' Did you mean what her mother would think? History is too short, with just the bare bones provided.

Why did she not find out before the age of 8 that she had this condition? (Because accidents do happens around the house; how did she not get burned or something, especially as she could not feel pain and temperature?) How does her condition make her cold? Did her family seek treatment for this condition? (Her condition frightened her mom more than her husband losing an arm?!) Why did Minako not go out and try to make friends? Why did she hate the city so much? (I mean, she wanted to travel, right?)

Then comes the problem of a pokemon. Your character does not set out with a pokemon, like in PWRPG. Here, mods offer you a choice and you choose out of them, or if you don't like the choices, take a traditional starter. You did read the rules, right? Did you look at other approved characters for reference?

Then, yes, the problem with items. You cannot start out with all these things. You receive your Pokeballs and Dex from the Professor, along with your starter, unless you can work the proffered pokemon into your history (like you've done currently, only you haven't been offered an Eevee) Regardless, you still receive your basics from someone else. You cannot have Potions, Full Heals, Love Balls and Berries. These can be either bought, or provided via RP. TM Case is fine, but Poketch? Uh, not sure we use these.

We use an entirely different system over here, so I suggest you reread the template and rules before working on this.
I think I covered everything in this, but rather than double post or something, I'll probably edit it in this reply.

[KFCutman]

@MegaAbsol
I'd just like to start off by saying a big THANK YOU for clearing up questions I did have about the document and how I could fix it.

Edit: I'd also like to take what you've said and analyze it in full and see what exactly I can change.

"Now, appearance. As you are using a written appearance, it has to be much larger. Simply describing some features in one-liners is not going to work. There's more to a person than their hair, eyes and clothes! (Well, outside anime, at least :P) It needs to be at least a paragraph of 7 lines, preferably more, to fully flesh out a character. Also, eyes will be included in her description as well as given special mention in defining traits."

Hoo boy, I have absolutely NO idea how exactly to describe appearance using many lines. I don't know exactly how I could describe this in 7 lines or more. Speaking of 7 lines, I have no idea if you mean "7 sentences" or "7 lines of text", as honestly, I just wanted to make a character that's simple in design, just like the games. And if it is 7 lines of text, that's a bit much.

"Personality, again, a lot more needed. I quote directly from the character template: 'Personality is the core of your character. How do they act, what do they believe in? This is the section to truly make them shine. Be mindful of the other aspects of your app as well, how does their History tie into who they are? Are the conscious of their appearance, does their trainer classification influence their outlook and goals? This section should be at least 15 sentences, but more is always better.'

What moulded the decision to become a coordinator when she doesn't like dressing up? While all of them don't need to be answered, some more weight here would really do wonders. "

I have already greatly revised the personality section in much more detail, but I'd still like to analyze a few things.
"Did anything besides her move to the city cause her to become cold?" Revised so that the Tentacruel attack traumatized Minako.
"Did she make friends there? Did she leave behind friends when she shifted?" I think I'll edit history so that Minako gets traumatized by the Tentacruel at a much earlier age.
"Why is she so stubborn?" I don't think Minako's stubborn, from what I've read from the earlier revision.
"How did she earn her nickname?" Revised.
"Why won't she admit her mistakes?" I don't think you read that section properly, or it could be the fact that I wrote it very vaguely, but what I intended was not so that Minako won't admit her mistakes, but rather that she doesn't feel mercy to those affected by her actions.
"Why doesn't she like mixing with others? Why is she so ruthless?" Woah woah, sorry if this offends you, but I think I cleared up that those actions are a result of Minako's ice-cold personality.

Then, why did the Tentacruel attack the boat? How did she escape unharmed when more than half the crew was killed and her father lost his arm? Also, one of your sentences don't make sense: 'and she was mother would think.' Did you mean what her mother would think? History is too short, with just the bare bones provided.

History's a strange case. I thought I wrote enough, but looking back, I realize there are a few misconceptions in it that I need to fix eventually.
"Why did her father decide to take her along, besides out of a whim?" I intend on changing this.
"How does traveling tie in to becoming a coordinator, rather than a trainer where she doesn't have to dress up?" This was changed in personality, I've decided to change it so that the crew never makes it to Route 104 and instead sails back to Canalave.
"Why did she not find out before the age of 8 that she had this condition? (Because accidents do happens around the house; how did she not get burned or something, especially as she could not feel pain and temperature?)" After seeing this, now I truly question why I considered it "complete" at all. This has been changed.
(Her condition frightened her mom more than her husband losing an arm?!) Woah woah, I said she was mortified about CIPA, but because I hadn't mentioned Daisuke, that doesn't mean Ran wasn't terrified. I intend on clearing this out.
"Did her family seek treatment for this condition?" Aside from a few drugs and treatments, CIPA isn't 100% curable.
"Why did Minako not go out and try to make friends?" Her trauma and new cold personality.

[quote=MegaAbsol]Then comes the problem of a pokemon. Your character does not set out with a pokemon, like in PWRPG. Here, mods offer you a choice and you choose out of them, or if you don't like the choices, take a traditional starter. You did read the rules, right? Did you look at other approved characters for reference?

Then, yes, the problem with items. You cannot start out with all these things. You receive your Pokeballs and Dex from the Professor, along with your starter, unless you can work the proffered pokemon into your history (like you've done currently, only you haven't been offered an Eevee) Regardless, you still receive your basics from someone else. You cannot have Potions, Full Heals, Love Balls and Berries. These can be either bought, or provided via RP. TM Case is fine, but Poketch? Uh, not sure we use these.[/quote]

Thank you for clearing this up. I have removed them from the character.

[MegaAbsol]

Heh, no worries. Glad to help. Now, to straighten a few more things out:

The revised app, while WIP, is already looking a fair bit better. Much of what I had asked seems to be getting answered, but you seem to be writing her history in the personality section.

By stubbornness, I meant why she wouldn't admit her mistakes, as that was there in the previous personality, but seeing from what your new history (with bits of personality) covers, I think it seems fair. So her injuries, her cold personality and an unwillingness to socialize is what alienates her from people?

Wait, what? I suddenly noticed her antics of what she did when she discovered she had CIPA xD I get that she's a child and doesn't know the severity of her condition, but what drove her to place her hand inside a furnace? Out of fun? (Well, I suppose that if it doesn't hurt them, they'll do anything...) Her parents didn't, um, stop her?

Anyways, why did the crew shoot harpoons at the Tentacruel? I also understand the trauma part, but how did it affect her behavior, and why did she grow cold? Did she blame herself for something? I suppose this part sounds kinda stupid, but I have no idea how to phrase it xP If there's a complete polar inversion of personality, there has to be a major reason for it, stemming from trauma, but obviously from some sort of thoughts that they have. Was it solely because she shifted and didn't really like the new place? I also meant if her parents sought the available treatment for it, but never mind~ I mean, logically, they must have, right? Also, as regards the not feeling empathy towards the consequences of her actions, once again, it's understandable why she doesn't like Pokemon (or at least certain ones), but surely she wouldn't hate the people, who she made no attempt to know, to the point that she'd feel no mercy, especially if they were suffering because of her? A certain amount of human empathy remains ingrained in our natural instinct, but that's a frivolous detail. Ignore the above. But in all seriousness, why would she dislike people who are pretty much neutral-friendly towards her? (Unless you're talking in general, which I guess you are. Not sure.)

Appearance should be 7 sentences, not 7 text lines. Sorry about that. But as mentioned, more is always better. For help in description, I suggest looking at other character applications to see how they've done it (because I have no idea how to tutor someone else in writing descriptions xD). The essence of text-based role-playing is in description, and it's quite an important part of both your character and her emotions.

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